Didn't See You There

     What's up everyone? It's been awhile, almost a month since I have written here! Well, now I have a bit more time since it is summer, I'm going to try and get this blog going!
     So what do I want to discuss today? Well, it's been a very long week. One of the reasons was that one of my closest friends from back home was in a bad motorcycle accident. It could have been a lot worse, but it still was pretty bad. He even collapsed a lung and has broken a few of his bones in his spine. It's going to take about three months to heal, which sucks. And what did my friend see when he crawled back to the crash site and collapsed, as he was thrown into a windshield and then into the guardrail and launched into a field?...
   The asshole holding his cellphone, a text ready.

    Well, ladies and gentleman, this again goes into an argument that texting while driving SHOULD be against the law, as stupid irresponsable things like this happen. I'm sorry, but I'm sure nothing is SO urgent that you have to text someone back. If there is, there is such thing as a handsfree phone/bluetooth. Those are a lot safer than looking down, texting, and keeping your eyes away from the road. My friend did not deserve what happened to him, and it's very irresponsable because of the reason he is hurt. This is part of the reason why technology gets to me sometimes, because there are also negative outcomes because of this technology and the need to be so connected 24/7. It's dangerous and I feel like too many of our youth simply do not care. I mean, what's the point? You can't really say "ohh, look at me, I'm a rebel because I text while I drive". At least if you have to text, get off the road and stop driving your vehicle. And you always here these statistics of how many people get hurt from things like texting while driving, I just never thought the statistic could be someone I love, and that's really bad. These reports are made for a reason and we think "oh, we're gonna be fine, that won't happen to me". Well, guess what, it could. You could be the victim or the perpetrator. My generation needs to be a bit more careful with their driving, as it seems like a lot more of people my age are just careless. This goes with drunk driving, reckless driving, and such. When I was in 8th grade, my grandmother was hit with an SUV and was hurt for awhile, because of someone trying to run a red when she was on the crosswalk following the signs, this asshole just came out of nowhere. I mean, for real. Can't we be a bit more careful with our driving? A study showed that nearly 6000 people died in accidents caused by distractions such as these. You would think we would take care of our safety more, wouldn't you? Who knew our technology would come first? I didn't. Value your life. The car is a great invention as are cell phones. I love taking drives at night and listening to music, and I also like talking on the phone (though I enjoy face to face more, obviously, which is another thing that is somewhat dying out). But use common sense!
   So please, don't be an asshole and hit someone because of your texting. Have a bluetooth or other handsfree device if you need to get in contact with someone. Cell phones are definitely a very good invention for the world, but they also bring hazards, so watch out people! I love my friend very much and wish I could be there with him right now, as he is like a brother to me, but I wish this just didn't happen in the first place! So please keep my friend in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks!
  On another note, I also want to write about the Coldplay album, X&Y. I have been listening to it a lot recently, and I really enjoy it.

   This is their third album, which came out in 2005, is musically a little bit more electronic, as they citied in getting inspiration from electronic music from the likes of David Bowie, Brian Eno, and Kraftwerk, to name a few. In fact, they got permission from the German electronic band Kraftwerk to use their main riff from their song, "Computer Love" (or "Computerliebe") for their song "Talk", which is a great song. Anyway, so the album has a little bit of a more electronic vibe, but that doesn't stop it from being beautiful and universal.
  Lyrically, the music has a bit more "fears" into the album, even though I think fear and hope is evident in the album. That being said, this album is really blunt and is not afraid to show insecurities and fears, which I think is very, well, human, as we all have them, wheather we like to admit them or not. It really brings out every emotion in you if you listen to the album closely, yet you don't feel alone in it, you feel apart of something.
    Alright, my favorite songs from this album: "Square One", 'What If", "Fix You", "Talk", "Speed of Sound", "A Message", "Low", "The Hardest Part", "Swallowed By The Sea", "Twisted Logic", and the hidden track, "Til Kingdon Come". So yeah, that's like the whole album haha, so I'm just going to say the whole album is good, but I'll talk about a few songs.
    "Square One", the first track of the album, is great as a first track, as it sets you up for the album. It's almost forshadowing, giving us a bit of hope but also questioning our lives and who is listening to us, as we always want someone listening to us, "it doesn't matter who you are". It sets us up for a journey into our own lives.
    "What If" is the song that follows. And it puts our questions out there pretty bluntly; the "what if" questions. Those questions that worry us everyday, as ridiculous as they may be. It's a scary feeling, and the song lets us know that they are very present. What if you lose a loved one, a family member, or whoever because you think you did something wrong? At the same time, I think the songs also tells you to explore that feeling and why we feel it, learning from our mistakes, but at the same time, sometimes taking risks. "That's the risk that you take".


     Then there is "Fix You". Who doesn't know this song? I love every transition in it, it begins with fear and ends with hope. At first, the singer makes it aware that you have been broken and hurt, and you are aware of the pain, but then, he goes to say that there is a way out of it and that he, along with the music and the recovering journey you are about to endure, will "try and fix you". The music gets louder and epic, until it explodes with emotion, passion and hope. It tells you that you are not hurting alone and that there will be light. At the very end, it is a bit more intimite, but you have made a step. I'm going to say that I have listened to this song when I was going through some rough times, and it puts me in a good mood.
    "A Message" is a very hopeful song, even on a rainy day. Actually, it really does work on a rainy day. Anyway, this is a song about not being alone, and hope, as I said. "My song is love". Yeah, this is a love song, and it's a really different one. I don't think everything is perfect in the singer's situation, as he is telling the person he is singing about to "please come home", but I think that's the tradegy in it, as well as the beauty.
    "The Hardest Part", well, it's in the title. After all the hope and fear you have been through, what ends up being the hardest part? The hardest thing to let go? Is it the memories, the fear, the hurt, the confusion? It all ties in, but it tells you, sometimes it's better to let go and that you have to work it out. And you end up working it out usually, but hey, who said it was easy? The singer is very aware of that.
    "Swallowed By The Sea" is an amazingly beautiful song. It's very poetic and the music is very hopeful and beautiful, and it is like you have gone through a journey in the album and have come out of it a step ahead. This is the second to last song in the album (not including the hidden track, "Til Kingdom Come") and it is a good song to be that close to the album, as it is very hopeful, as it tells you that whatever hard road you go through, you can make it. It is also a love song, as he is singing to someone, but in this love song, things are getting better.
    The album ends (excluding the hidden track) with "Twisted Logic". It is a perfect ending, as it is really a message. A look into the future, and a bit of a rally call. It really reminds me of "Don't Feed The Plants" from Little Shop Of Horrors (stage version) as it ends the album in a very similar way, with a message and a warning of sorts. It tells of a future of over technology (hmm, kind of goes with that I talk about first with the texting while driving). But, it also warns us that there will be more bad times, but to keep pressing on and to try to move forward. We all take punches. Yet again, a GREAT ending.
    Well, that's all I have to say on this post! I hope everyone is having a good summer so far (even if it has been raining as much as it has in Chicago). I'm sure I'll be back soon. Well, everyone, I give you my best, and I'll see ya'll later!! Peace!!

- The AR

Texting While Driving website:
http://texting-while-driving.org/

Shocking Video Warning To Teen Drivers (I can't embed this):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xiEFjt6ouqI&feature=related

Swallowed By The Sea (live) by Coldplay:

The Boss

      Well, it's been a few days. Hope everyone is doing fine and dandy! I've had a good week/relaxing weekend, so can't really complain here! There's quite a lot to catch up on, so this is going to be a two part blog, the firs part going up now and the second going up later tonight! So for this blog, I'm going to concentrate on saying my final thoughts and review (for now) of Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band, as in my last post, we have reached his most recent album to date, Working On A Dream.

      First of all, I hope everyone enjoyed going though Bruce's studio album discography with me! It has been a blast going through his history again, and I hope I introduced you to a little bit of "The Boss", The E Street Band, and all their greatness!
     So for future reference, along with the other stuff I write on here, I'm going to go through studio album discography of bands and such, along with the music videos and all, and my reviews. Through my years, I have built up a pretty big CD collection (and it always grows) so I'll always have a band to talk about or feature. Of course, I take suggestions on what bands I should also check out, or albums! So recommend away! So yeah, for the previous few weeks, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band have been the ones featured. But alas, until they come out with another album, we will end here for now!

      So why did I pick Bruce Springsteen to feature first? Well, one reason is the New Jersey connection. If you don't know that he is from New Jersey by now, then *slap*. Bruce was born in Long Branch, and grew up in the Freehold Borough, not too far from Asbury Park on the Jersey shore. He now lives in Rumson, New Jersey.
      I was also raised in New Jersey, so I can relate to his music. Even if you don't live/are not from New Jersey, you can listen to this music and get a feel for the culture there and such. And you also get a feel for something Bruce was very important for: The Jersey Shore Sound
     As far as I'm concerned, we have our own music scene in New Jersey. So who comes from New Jersey? Well, let's see, Bon Jovi, My Chemical Romance, of course Bruce, Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, Frankie Valli and the Four Season and more! Of course, some have more of a "jersey shore sound" than others, but it is still a very important part to the history of music.

     Bruce has always had a bit of Jersey in his music, but I think it's most prominent in his earlier work, such as Greetings From Asbury Park, N.J.; The Wild, The Innocent, and the E Street Shuffle; Born To Run and Darkness On The Edge Of Town. What's important is that these show his roots, which, when you listen to later stuff, you can hear the sound still very much in the music. It's hard for me to explain really what the Jersey Shore sound, or the New Jersey sound, is in it, maybe it's the boardwalk style, the street style, the struggle style, but it always has that sound of old school rock and roll to it! Maybe that's it. Maybe it sounds like the roots of rock and roll. Actually while I look it up now, it says on wikipedia that it is "a mixing of pre-Beatles rock and roll, R&B, doo-wop, and the urban culture of the mid-Atlantic states". Now that I read that, it does make sense, good way to describe it, but I would also really emphizise "urban culture of the mid-Atlantic states". I think this may be another reason why I really like it so much, it does really ring a bell with the culture of what I grew up with, as I grew up and spent a lot of time around working class environments and suburbia. I also grew up ten miles outside of NYC, in North Jersey, and a lot of it is urban. All this comes out in Bruce's lyrics a lot, wheather it be about struggles of working class, walking along streets, or just being happy with the essentials of happiness: emotion, love, and hope. Even when we are stuggling to pay the bills or just to get through those endless shifts at work (like me at Holsten's at times haha), at least you have, well, you. It's about loving the little things, which I have come to realize makes life all the more great. Bruce's music is music that we can relate to and that can (and has) brought many people hope and a feeling of not being alone. It's done that for me as well. When I was having a down day and felt trapped in my little hometown in New Jersey, I could drive around, listen to Bruce, and get myself in a good mood. Many of the drives I took to work were drives with Bruce music blasting on my 20-25 minute commute, and I would always hum them while I cleaned dishes, or cooked food, or served people at the counter and I could say "yup, that's me right now" as I did it, refering to a Bruce song. Alas, working in a very "New Jersey"ish diner, I grew somewhat fond of it in my own way.

      That's the other thing. Bruce and the band really make you appreciate the working class people. The people who do the jobs that we think aren't so glamourous. Well, SOMEBODY'S got to do them. It also makes you appreciate your life a little more. Some of us are so lucky to be able to have luxuries such as IPhones, fancy cars, fancy clothes and such. Yet, some of us are working a job/jobs for pretty long hours just to pay the bills, have food and a home, feed a family, and save up for other things and have the luxury of nothing but dreaming. A vacation may be walking around in the streets, which in all honesty, I enjoy doing as well. Now, I can't say that I don't have it good, because I do. I go to school, I'm not loaded but I'm comfortable (at least most of the time), and I have many oppurtunities. But I'm by no means rich and I grew up in a middle class house and my dad and I try to save money, but we are happy. I did, however, know and do now know many people who had to work for what they have, and that meant (in some cases) working three jobs. Yet, these people were happy. And it clicked with me, that their stories and Bruce's music and my own dreams are what made me appreciate where I am from and that's why I'm happy with where I am at right now. That's also why I like going on long walks, just sitting and watching (now) the Chicago skyline and (back in New Jersey) driving around New Jersey and occasionally driving into NYC (though I usually take the bus). It took me a long time to appreciate New Jersey, as I used to HATE it with a passion, as many people knew. But, as I was here in Chicago, and as I listened to more Bruce Springsteen and thought about it more, I have come to really appreciate it and like it. It's not my FAVORITE place in the world, but I'm actually quite excited to go back for a week or so this summer!

      So in conclusion of all this, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band are lengendary and a big part of today's rock and roll and New Jersey culture! They are just amazing and are the definition of modern rock and roll! I hope you will go out on your own and listen to some of his music, as you can see a bit of what New Jersey is all about. And as I have said before, those who think New Jersey is just like "Jersey Shore", I'm afraid you are wrong. I think that's why I hate it so much (as do many people I have talked to in New Jersey), it's a misinterpretation of New Jersey and it's not what New Jersey it all about. Sure, we have quite a few guidos/guidettes that annoy the crap out of us, but not many of us go clubbing every night/have the time to do it and it fails to capture any of Jersey's working class culture or rock and roll history as well as the hope we have living there, wheather it be from faith, dreams, or music. Sorry Jersey Shore, but you are a fail. (p.s., I don't live too too far from where those idiots live on the shore, Seaside Heights).

    So I hope you enjoyed going through Bruce's history with me and I will feature another band very shortly. But I hope everyone enjoyed hangin with Bruce for awhile, and I hope you enjoyed some of the songs I posted! There is really none other like Bruce Springsteen and the Legendary E Street Band. I have seen them three times back home in NJ, and seeing them live is an experience! They all have such energy and character, it's a must see show at least once in your life. If you want to check out a recent concert video of his, check out London Calling: Live In Hyde Park which is from his most recent tour. It is pretty much a full concert video and it does a good job capturing their energy, though there is nothing like actually being at one of their concerts! But that should give you a good taste for them.
    Well, there is so much more I could say about Bruce, but I will leave it there for now! Here's to the Boss and the Legendary E Street Band! Baby, we were born to run!

  -AR

9/11 Memories

    What's up everyone?
    Well, yesterday I talked about the Bruce Springsteen album The Rising and how it was Springsteen's response to 9/11. This album brought hope to a country that needed it.
    Well, I have my own little story to tell about 9/11:
     I grew up about ten miles from NYC across the river in New Jersey, and you could see the city from many parts of my hometown.
    September 11th, 2001: I remember being in 6th grade at that time. It was second period and I had my math class. I remember going to my locker and getting my stuff and then going to the classroom and sitting down with my fellow classmates. One of my classmates informed me that something was going on. I wondered what and when the teacher got into the room, we asked her but she said "Don't worry about it", though she seemed a bit distraught. It was weird. So we went on with the class as usual, though everyone seemed distracted.
    After the class, I proceeded to go to the next class I had, which I believe was gym and on the way to the gym I passed the office and a bunch of people were peering into the tv. Something wasn't right here, I could tell. Something was going on.
     The day went on as usual, and during my last class, the teachers told us to go straight home. It was a very unusual thing for our teachers to say. So I walked to the bus, passing a lot of parents who came to pick their children up early from school. So I got on the bus and went home. When I got there, my dad was home! Now this wasn't right, because my dad was never home when I got home from school, as he didn't get out from work until later. Usually it was only my grandma. They greeted me at the door and I remember being excited my dad was home but at the same time wondered why he was home, so I asked him. I'm a child so of course I'm curious. We went to the living room, flipped on the tv, and were greeted with the news that the World Trade Center had been attacked by passenger jets and the buildings have collapsed and that also the Pentagon in Washington DC was attacked and another plane crashed in a field in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

     My eyes were glued to the tv for the rest of the day.
     Not too long ago I had been on top of those towers, looking out at the city below. They were amazing memories with my parents and I. We always passed the World Trade Center when we were in NYC, they always dazzled me. Let me tell you, those buildings were some of the coolest buildings I have ever seen.
     When I went to visit dad at his office, I would always see them. My dad worked in Jersey City in a building on the river, right across from where you could see the World Trade Center. It was really beautiful.
    I had all these memories of the place and, at that time, I was just confused about how all this could happen. As I grew up, I matured and, though still confused by it, I understood everything around that day, at least as best I could.
     My dad told me his boss saw the second plane hit. Everyone in his building left, because, I believe, NYC needed to clear the surrounding area to use for bases, bodies, equipment, and for people to go as Lower Manhattan was evacuated. Everything was a mess
    NYC shut down, and I had never seen more national chaos so close to home before. I was both curious and a bit frightened. I was young.
    I remember on the anniversary of it a year later, they had those huge two lights shine in the sky, and it was a sight to see. It was a memorial to the World Trade Center, and you could see it from my hometown.
    It's still slightly eerie to go to the lookout in my town and see the NYC skyline withouth the towers. I grew up around them, it's so crazy to know they are gone and to know I was up there once on top of the towers.
    There is a memorial at the lookout in my town for the 9/11 victims. It's a really nice memorial. I go there every time I visit, for that and the view.
    I remember, later, Dad mentioning he used to work in the World Trade Center before I was born, but left. I still sometimes tell myself how lucky I am that he wasn't working there when all this happened. I am lucky.
   It sucks that this happened, and it sucks that it did. I have visited ground zero a bunch of times, and it always does something to you, and makes you realize that you should never forget what happened. Looking back on it all, it's still so hard to believe it happened. I had never seen so many people hurt around me.
   Listening to The Rising now, it brings back memories of it all and it also makes me realize how important this album was in history and how it tells a story that I lived through, that I witnessed. It all still brings some tears. I've been tearing up a little writing this, no lie.
   I don't think I can ever forget what happened to me, this country, and the world around me that day, and I look back and I realize how far we have come since. Sure, the country has it's problems, but we have come a long way. And I still try to search for the beauty. Springsteen definitely had the right idea with this album, as it is hopeful and tragic at the same time, this album paints the country and it's people's response to the attacks very beautifully and caring. For me, this album is part of my history.
   Thanks for taking the time to read this and letting me share my memory, and I would be interested in hearing any stories you have of that day. I could go on and on and on, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask me.
   Anyway, that's all I have for tonight, time to sleep and get back to classes tomorrow. I bid everyone a good night.
   And remember...never forget.

-The AR

~this post is dedicated to the victims and rescuers who died in the 9/11 attacks. RIP and may you find a peaceful light~

Come On, Rise Up!/Spring Break '11: Complete

Mt Baldy, photo taken by me!

    What's up, everyone? Well, another week has begun and spring break '11 has officially ended! What a spring break it has been! I hope everyone enjoyed their spring break if you so happen to also have been off on your own Spring Break adventures. My dad left earlier today, and it was a really good visit with him. We ended up going to the Indiana Sand Dunes yesterday, which was in this book I had recently bought called 501 Must Visit Wild Places. Well, now only 500 to go! It was really cool though. The dunes are on Lake Michigan and when you look out on the lake from the beach, you can see Chicago far off in the distance. It's really beautiful and definitely would love to go back again! I learned a cheap train goes right to the national lakeshore, so it won't be too hard to go back! Anyway, we drove out there and first went to an area of the park called Lake View, which is this stunning beach/dunes. It was a really beautiful lookout and the dunes covered quite a bit, even getting on the roads in some areas. Some sand covered benches too. It was pretty sick! There were also some big ass birds in the air stationary in the wind, looking around. It was a pretty cool sight to see, and also bird watching is very popular there. There are over 350 species of birds there, so you're bound to see a bunch of interesting birds, even though it was pretty damn cold and windy when we went, but still, even we saw a few cool birds. It's famous for the great blue heron, as it has a nesting ground in the park, and there wing span is about 6.5 feet. Unfortunatly, we never got around to going to the nesting ground but it's on my to-do list! I still need to wander around there and adventure, as our time was limited there, though I had a GREAT time there. We also got to climb to the summit of Mt. Baldy, which is this 126 foot sand dune (the biggest one in the park) and it was really awesome up there (despite the nuclear power plant next door, but just try to ignore it!...err...)! It was a really cool place, so I can't wait to go back!

     We also went on the Chicago Ghost Tour at night (the black bus you see around Chicago that says Ghost Tours). I was always fascinated with paranormal stuff, ever since I was really young. It still all fascinates me, and throughout my childhood and growing up until now, my dad and I would always go on different ghost tours when we were traveling, most of them being major cities.historical places in the US, such as San Francisco, Las Vegas, New York, Gettysburg and we also went on a London one back when I was in high school and I went on a Prague one when I was there last summer. And, of course, now I have also gone on the Chicago Ghost Tour (or at least one of the main ones) and it was really well done! We stopped at a lot of cool places that I knew of but didn't know how to find, such as the spot where the famous St. Valentine's Day Massacre happened, where the SS Eastland tipped over on July 24th, 1915 and killed 844 people in the Chicago River. It's the largest loss of life shipwreck disaster on all of the Great Lakes. It's really a sad story. There is a historical marker there now on the river walk on E. Wacker, so that's pretty cool. So anyway, yeah the tour was really awesome and our tour guide was really funny and really nice so yeah, a good tour to check out here in the Windy City!

      This morning, we went to the Jane Addams Hull House (which was also on the ghost tour!), which was pretty sweet! Jane Addams, of course, was the first woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize and was a political and social activist and was very important and influencial in the Progressive Era and VERY important for Chicago. I could go on about her, but you should definitely check out the museum if you are in Chicago. It's actually only a house, which is all that remains of the whole settlement besides one other building next door and the small courtyard. So it's not that big but it's really interesting about hearing about life in the settlement and how Jane Addams helped all these children and lower class and working class kids and adults have a meaningful life where they did what they loved to do and how she was nice to immigrants who came to Chicago and much more! So check it out, it's right on the UIC campus, and you can get there by the Blue Line and getting off the UIC/Halsted stop. There should be directions if you look up the website! So enjoy!
     Also had lunch with my good friend Nick which is always a treat and then my father drove me back to my apartment and went to the airport to fly back to NJ!
      A good trip had by all! And now, if you didn't know before and probably now know, I am a bit of a history buff and I love love LOVE the outdoors! : )

      Well, today, I also got to listen to The Rising by Bruce Springsteen, released in 2002. Now, this is a GREAT album. It is Springsteen's response to the September 11th attacks and the effects it had on the nation. But, it is also a message of hope when the country seemed to be losing it. I read an interesting story today that I didn't know about the album. Supposively how Springsteen got inspired to make the album was when he was driving somewhere a few days after the attacks on 9/11 and a car stopped next to him. The person in the car rolled down his window and said to Springsteen "we need you now". This was said to be confirmed by Bruce, so I thought that was really cool! That's a cool way to get inspiration, and that person who said that was right, we needed some hope at that time, and that album certainly brought it to many people. So thank you, Bruce and the E-Street Band! Speaking of which, this is his first album with the E Street Band in 15 years (or 18 if you don't count Tunnel of Love) so that's really cool! And they do an AMAZING job on this album! This is also the album that I heard my first Bruce Springsteen song off of, "Further On (Up The Road)". My dad used to play it a lot in one of his mix cds and I always loved everything about it! So that song holds a special place in my heart. Anyway, this album is filled with amazing songs and has a very hopeful, upbeat vibe to it, but still has the struggle within it, especially when the theme is the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. And, of course, it also has the classic Bruce sound! So this is a great album to check out, and it is an important album for the folks like us that went though the 9/11 attacks. Though I didn't listen to the whole album until later in my life, I did know quite a few of the songs from that album as I grew up, either from my dad or from the radio. And as I listened to the album tonight, it made me go back to those times and the times of the September 11th attacks. I live ten miles from NYC and you can see it from my town, and I the day like it was yesterday. It had a very big impact on the area around me, and in my town. It also had it's own impact on me, and have my own story to tell about it. Alas, it is 4:42 in the morning and I should really get some rest, so I will save that story for my next post.
     Anyway, my favorite songs from the album: "Lonesome Day" (a video for it listed below), "Into The Fire", "Waitin' On A Sunny Day", "Empty Sky", "World's Apart", "Let's Be Friends (Skin To Skin)", "Further On (Up The Road)", "Mary's Place", "You're Missing", "The Rising", and "My City Of Ruins". So yeah, this album is one to check out for sure!
    Well, that's all for tonight! My next post will feature: My 9/11 Story and probably a review or two.
     You all have a good night! : )

  -The AR

Lonesome Day:

Born To Run

    Another relaxing monday. My sleep scheduale, from the weekend, messed up. Been up til at least five watching True Blood with friends, and as much as I love the show, I'm not sure if I was to have the same sleeping pattern as a vampire!
   Anyway, I found out today that my grandmother, who they thought would not be able to really walk that well again without any support, can amazingly walk on her own without much trouble again!! It was the strangest thing, as my father called me telling me she can walk again, and I was a bit taken aback and speechless! I couldn't believe it. So that has put me in a great mood, despite all the homework I have to work on tonight.

   So, as in my last post, I listened through another album...
 Bruce Springsteen's Born To Run, released in 1975. Ok, who HASN'T listened to at least the song "Born To Run"?? If not, you best get to it right now! I put the video at the end of this post.
    This album was Bruce Springsteen's real breakthrough album, and let me say, this album is genius. There is not one mediocere song on this album. They are all filled with heart, spirit, struggle and pride, and the fight to be a working class romantic. Even all these words won't do it justice.
    Of course, there is always the New Jersey sound in it that Bruce Springsteen always seems to hit right on the nail, and the imagery and narration is still there. I've read a few places that this album happens to be a concept album, telling a story from beginning to end. I'm still not sure if this is fact or not, but I can see the story within it. As an LP, each side beings with songs of escape, Side A being the hopeful "Thunder Road" and Side B being the infamous "Born To Run". Of course, these are two of my favorite songs, as I could relate to them whenever I wanted a release from living in New Jersey and singing them with close friends from high school, wheather it be at a Bruce concert, driving around in my legendary White Solara, or just chillin. This album brings back great memories.
    My two other favorite songs, even though they are all really good and should not be missed, are "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out" and "Jungleland"
   With "Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out", it is such a fun song, I wonder how could anyone not want to get up and dance? It just always gets me in a good mood, because I think it's a really feel-good song. The saxaphone in this song (played by the legendary "Big Man", Clarence Clemmons) is really awesome! I love listening to this song when I'm driving through the Lincoln Tunnel to NYC. It's worth a listen!
    And with "Jungleland", well this is just an epic song! Lasting about 10 minutes, it's the last song on the album and a great way to close it! The shifts in tempo and the different parts of the songs are awesome and it has some upbeat parts and some slow, "foggy", mysterious parts. It's really quite amazing! One of the best songs I've ever heard! It's like a little mini opera, much like Green Day's "Homecoming" but different. It's just one of the most epic songs to ever be played!
   Well, that's all for now folks! I best get to my homework! Thanks for reading, listening, etc. and I will see you later.

Peace Out!- AR

Recovery

     It's been a few days since I have written, and that's a few days too long. Though I do think now that Thursdays will be my official day off (and I can't promise I will have access to a computer everyday) but I will write as often as I can. But this weekend has been something of a very interesting weekend, and it really helped me put quite a few things in perspective. The emotional bootcamp really started tonight.
    My plans for tomorrow night were cancelled again and it kind of got me down. Then, a few other things got into my head that I'm going through. Recently, I've been having some probems with life and it got triggered tonight. I'm going to be as honest as I can tonight, so if it scares you, you can stop right here. For all others, go on!
    My cousin found me in the room I was in really upset. My cousin Bill is an amazing person and I am honored to have him as my cousin and to have him so close to where I go to school (4 hour train ride which isn't too bad honestly). Well, he found me in my room really upset and worried. Call it an anxiety attack, call it depression, call it whatever you want, its life. The good thing about my cousin is that he is honest.
   I told him about the problems I was having with some friends and family and just life in general.
   He stood there, looked me in the eye, and told me "I'm NOT going to stand here and tell you that I can make all your problems go away. But they DO get better".
   I was so stressed, I felt like I wanted to die. I let him know. No, I didn't want to kill myself. I just wanted to disappear for awhile.
   He told me "God, I know what it's like to feel lonely. But things WILL get better". He told me to wash up and come down to dinner. So I did.
   We had dinner as a family (Him, his wife Jan ((my other amazing cousin)) and I) and looked at a family tree, which is a story in itself, since we have a very interesting history, and then my Cousin Bill and I had a heart to heart.
   We talked about friends, family, love and the future. He told me that a friendship is mutual. I told him how sometimes I felt like I was the only one putting effort into friendships and getting closer, and he told me "it takes two". He made me realize that friends don't make others feel like shit and make time for each other, but that also people change too and that sometimes, things are the way they are and I have to keep searching for my place.
    We talked about family. If you didn't know, most of my family has passed away, including my mother, and he knows that we don't have a big family. He assured me that he is there for me, and coming from my family, that means a lot.
    We talked about fitting in and finding my place. I let him know I have some social problems and fitting in within my generation when I'm a little different. He made me unafraid of being myself and that sometimes it is hard to find friends and people who understand, but to not give up and to remember, I have to be happy and be true to myself.
   Then he told me something that I never really heard from a lot of people, but I felt like I needed to here from someone in my family. I never really felt like I had many "hearts to hearts" with my family before, and this was something I sort of needed to here.

   He told me that there is a way to recover! To change and to be happier. He told me that I have to have faith and to hope, because things get better, in time. He told me to write down 4 things that I am unsatisfied with and slowly change them a little everyday. He told me that I can find myself.
   For the first time, I felt like I was having a "heart to heart" with my family. He told me that I shouldn't have to be afraid to begin again, wheather it be finding a different path of life, joining other things, going other places and trying things out. I'm not gonna say everything here, since some of this is personal and stays between my cousin and I, to make a long story short, I've entered Recovery Mode.
   I have decided to face my demons and change myself for the better and concentrate on my well being a little bit more than I have. I'm going to eat healthier, loss weight, get into more things, face my demons, be happier with myself, maybe start again, be happier, not let people get to me, and I AM going to get myself out of thing slump I've been in. I'm going to start being true to me and not let people make standards for me, I'm gonna make my own and I'm going to get better. I'm going to be a better and stronger person.
   Its going to take some time to change for the better, and to figure things out, but from this moment on, I'm going to improve myself and figure this out, and right now, I haven't felt stronger in weeks.
   Not only did my cousin get me back on track, but tonight I also decided to face one of my biggest demons that has been haunting me for 8 months and I did VERY well! I confronted someone/something that has effected me, and I finally faced it and I turned the tables. I decided to not feel guilty and feel bad for being myself because of certain events that happened earlier this year and, surprisingly, I feel like my wounds are slowly healing. I was not afraid to stand up and say the truth tonight, as blunt as it was, and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest tonight, and I felt alive, and tonight, I made a big step in my "recovery". And it just begins here.
   I'm going to make sure that, everyday, I get a bit closer to "full recovery". I've decided to be my honest self now and that I'm done feeling hurt and like shit. Of course I will have my bad days, but tonight I will start again and build myself emotionally and physically, to be healthier both mentally and physically, and to get myself to a comfortable happy place. It will take some time, but I have little goals each day. I'm going to focus on being a better and happier person. Not everyone will like who I am, and I have to accept that, but at the same time say "fuck it, I'm moving on".
   Who knows how much longer I will be in Columbia, or where I will be in a few months, because I'm a little lost at this point, but at the same time, I can't be afraid to begin again, because I know I can find happiness, and I have faith and hope I will find people I can make happy and that make me happy as well and to find a life I am happy with.
    If anyone out there has felt the same way I have (and I know you're out there), don't be afraid to start again. I wish I had someone like my cousin to tell me that in my life earlier, and I may not be the closest to you or may not even really know you, but if you be true to yourself and try to be the best person you can be and find your own happiness, I assure you that you will make progress. I'm not going to say it's instant. It takes time, like everything does, but don't ever be afraid to begin again, because everyone deserves a second chance. Don't let people bring you down or tell you you can't, because no one can tell you what's good for you besides yourself. Don't let some society tell you you have to be a certain way or that you have to be like everyone else, because you DON'T. Be yourself, and you will eventually find that you can love you and others can love you. You might feel like me, lonely, and we all have our own demons and pasts and fears like I do, but don't let anyone tell you it's wrong. But also, don't be afraid to face them either and to improve yourself and begin again, because limiting yourself from living a true life isn't living a life at all. Be who you are, be honest of yourself, and let me be the first to honestly say I love you. To the haters and the phobic and to those who are afraid of others because they are different, I feel sorry for you. Fuck haters. No one deserves to be treated like dirt. I've found my new path tonight that I'm ready to go down, wheather with some people or alone. I'm not afraid to go down it and I will recover. This is TRUELY (I hope) the beginning of the rest of my life.
   I know this entry has been sort of self centered but I felt like I had to say something and let people know. This is who I am! Take it or leave it. : )
   Once I get home (I'm in Grand Rapids now with my cousins), I will be post the final part of THE LOST POEMS, and continue with other things. But for tonight, think about yourself and look in the mirror and find your real happiness. Well, at least begin.
   I have begun my Recovery process, and I'm very optomistic about my life right now, and I hope everyone can feel a little bit of love and strength like I did tonight. Don't forget to check out the Video of the Day, and I'll catch you all later : )

SONG OF THE DAY: Not Afraid by Eminem
Can you guess why?? Happens to be the Video of the Day too by the way!

-Your Very Proud American Reject